Until recently, I never thought much about organizing a pre-paid funeral. Like many people, I viewed it as perhaps a bad omen and was of the sentiment – “well, I won’t be here, so why would I care?”

And there’s nothing wrong with that thought. But now, after a rather tawdry personal experience with a funeral director, I’m beginning to see the value in pre-arranging my funeral. Not just because of the financial costs (although they’ve been a bit over the top) but because of the empty promises that are made by the funeral home manager.

Last year, my husband passed away. That was a very sad day. It wasn’t unexpected as he’d been suffering from a couple of degenerative diseases for a long time. He told me he was ready to go and he’d already given me instructions for his funeral service.

His requests were quite simple really – to be held at the local cemetery crematorium chapel; no clergy or prayers; show lots of pictures and only have people who knew him to say a few words.

When he passed away, I required the services of a funeral director to take him to the funeral home and prepare him for the service. Then, I needed them to have him at the crematorium on time so that we could hold a celebratory service.

Of course, the funeral director would also be able to assist by arranging for the notices in the paper, sell me a casket, order some flowers and do the obligatory paperwork for the government.

The funeral director was clearly unimpressed that we were using the council chapel and crematorium and not their facilities. The manager pursed her lips when told that the service would be conducted by friends and all sorts of obstacles were brought forward, to make it sound like I was asking the impossible. However, I stuck to my guns – because this was what my dear hubby had asked for.

The day of the funeral was miserable – cold and raining. The funeral director/manager didn’t turn up and nobody bothered to tell us why. The ‘B’ Team that arrived in her place had no idea what they were supposed to do, nor did they appear to have read the instruction sheet to see what was required.

They did, however, stand at the door and ask people to sign the mourners’ book. The chapel wasn’t ready and the staff members were wringing their hands. Thank goodness for a friend who arrived early enough to take charge, and everything went as we’d planned.

The account had already arrived and if I paid it within 3 days of the funeral, I could have a $500 discount. I was concerned – it was way more than I had expected. (over $10,000) Of course the account was itemized, and I could clearly see everything I was paying for.  That is, except for the item “our fee for arranging and conducting service”. That was billed at 30% of the total. And there was an administration fee as well.

Naturally, I queried the account.

It was quite simple, I wanted to know “what I got for that amount of money”. The manager said it was their standard fee but she’d get back to me after she investigated the issues I had with the company input. Suffice to say, she reduced the total account by 25%, yet I am still at a loss as to knowing what that money was for. I paid the account.

A month passed by and despite being told that Hubby’s ashes would be in my care within two weeks, I was still waiting. I got tired of waiting and I made a call.

I was told that “because it’s not our crematorium, they can do what they like, and they haven’t told us anything.” When I suggested that perhaps I could have rung myself I was informed “Well, they wouldn’t have told you anything because it’s under us. It’s the privacy crap that we have to deal with every day. So I’ll ring them first thing on Monday and get them.”

Once again, I was made to feel like a second class citizen for not buying the complete package from this company.  But I had already paid for a complete package and I’d been promised that his ashes would be returned to me no longer than two weeks.

My thought now is that all the details of a funeral need to be worked out and negotiated well before the death of the customer. By doing that, you can then be certain that there will be no mixed messages, no hidden meanings or extras. You will know that you are only paying for what you request and the fee will explain exactly what is included.

It also gives you time to arrange the things that the funeral director won’t do.

Pre-arranging a funeral gives everybody a chance to sort out the details when they all have a clear head and at a time when emotions are not running high due to the death of a loved one. I certainly don’t want my loved ones to go through a similar experience at a very sad and emotional time.

And maybe, just maybe if enough people stand up to them, the funeral industry will have a chance to clean up their reputation and get rid of the smoke and mirrors.

 

 

 

©   Carmel McCartin – Budget Bitch

And don’t forget – (The views expressed in this blog are the personal opinions of the author. Don’t rely on them to make financial decisions; you have to make up your own mind. If you don’t like the content – then either stop reading or send me an email)